A wife by any other name

I’ve never liked the practice of a woman changing her title and surname when she marries.

A man is a mister whether or not he’s married and so a woman should not need to go from Miss to Mrs. I use Ms. And I don’t see why a woman’s marital status is anyone’s business. Why does she need to announce to the world that she’s married? Continue reading

Happy New Year!

I can’t believe how 2016 passed by so quickly. Well, actually, I can believe it because every year in the last twenty or so has gone by at top speed. My eldest son will be twenty years old this August – how did that happen?

In August I will probably (hopefully) be living in a different country, on a different continent. How exciting is that!

I am looking forward to my new life, despite all the horror stories I’ve read and heard. There are horror stories about every country and city in the world, aren’t there? I believe that all we can do is be reasonable and sensible, and as careful as possible without it becoming a chore and an obstacle. Anything else is chance, fate, destiny. All I know is that it would be silly to be deterred just because most Malaysians are clueless about Africa, and because Nigeria has a bad rep. Why focus on the negatives? The continent and the country has so much going for it, and I know I would hate Malaysia and Malaysians to be written off simply based on this country’s corrupt government, inefficient public facilities and stinky public toilets!

Anyway, I’ll have Don to advise me, and possibly a house with ‘The Lord is My Shepherd’ emblazoned on its walls – how could I possibly pass up on that experience!


Picture Me a Picture

‘I don’t know where I’m going, but I’m on my way.’ That’s sort of my motto because I like how it reflects my intention to always keep on moving forward, or even backward, in any direction, really, so long as it means not staying in places and situations that suck.

Well, right now I know I’m going to Lagos, Nigeria.

That’s the plan, but there is so much to put into place that I guess I feel lost and a bit directionless, like a headless chicken. Or Mulder and Scully seeking the truth and knowing it’s out there, but not knowing what exactly they’ll find.

So, I know where I’m headed, but it still seems like a dream, right now. I’m on my way though. I am.


From The X-Files, a comic by Josephin Ritschel

How Strange the Change …

It’s no wonder this song has been playing in a loop in my head.

I’m counting the days until I see my dearest one again.

Ev’ry Time We Say Goodbye
Everytime we say goodbye, I die a little,
Everytime we say goodbye, I wonder why a little,
Why the Gods above me, who must be in the know.
Think so little of me, they allow you to go.
When you’re near, there’s such an air of spring about it,
I can hear a lark somewhere, begin to sing about it,
There’s no love song finer, but how strange the change from major to minor,
Everytime we say goodbye.
When you’re near, there’s such an air of spring about it,
I can hear a lark somewhere, begin to sing about it,
There’s no love song finer, but how strange the change from major to minor,
Everytime we say goodbye.

Songwriter: Cole Porter
Every Time We Say Goodbye lyrics © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc.

Next stop?

My partner has left for Nigeria. The next time we meet it will be in Lagos.

It’s a relief that he is about to start living again, because his life here in Malaysia was not a real life. We have had a fucked up two-and-a-half-years – two-and-a-half of the hardest years I’ve ever lived. What couldn’t we face now, after what we’ve experienced? At least I know that we are up for anything. If the struggles we faced didn’t rip us apart, then nothing will.

I hope to leave Malaysia for Nigeria in January (yes 2017), but I don’t know how possible that will be. It depends on a variety of things. I should make a list and cross things off.

Money, or the lack of it, looms large. Doesn’t it always? If there were enough, I might be at his side, on the plane, right now. Might.

More accurately, if there was enough money and if it were just about me, I would be there with him now. If it were just about me, January wouldn’t still be in question (it’s my question; he is sure, but I don’t dare assume things will work out). But I have to think of another person, my daughter, whom I want to go with me; and who wants to go with me. I have to think of telling my ex that I am leaving. I am filled with fear. What if, what if, what if?

I am paralysed at the moment. What do I do next? Make a list. Work hard. Save money. sort out my clothes. Sort out my books. Sort out my life. Prepare for the big reveal. Play Sims 4.

Do whatever is easiest first. Breathe.