Bones in a bag

Two men with a bag full of human bones were arrested in Ogun State, Nigeria.

One of the men confessed that the bones were his sister’s (she died four years ago) and that they had been exhumed for ‘money ritual purpose’ (read about it here).

Yeah, why not? Broke? Just dig up your mum’s femur, add a few chips off your dad’s patella and top it with a handful of teeth from random relatives. Mix it up with a pint of spit and utter some magical words (‘Abracadabra’ doesn’t actually work, try something more magical, like ‘Roger Sutton’) and (voila!) that’s your mortgage paid up and no need to sell your body.

bones

But my favourite magic story out of Nigeria is the one about the car thief who changes into a goat, and gets arrested. I chose this Daily Mail article because it has the best headline. Also this quote from a police officer: ‘We cannot confirm the story, but the goat is in our custody.’

There is no follow-up story so I don’t know if the goat/car thief stood trial, or ended up in┬ásoup, or both.

guiltygoat_b15018_4904368
Another horny criminal.

 

Love me, love my roast pork

politicsSiew Yoke 3

Why do Muslim men try to get into your pants,

send you dick pics and

ask to see your breasts

But recoil when you offer them a bacon sandwich?

Is eating swine flesh the ultimate sin,

worse than fornication, worse than corruption and

manipulation of the innocent,

worse than gambling and intoxication?

Once those streaks of greasy bliss pass your lips

are you beyond hope,

are those virgins lost forevermore?

Do not tell me you pray and fast and give alms.

If you want me, pass this test first:

Eat the pork chop, bak kut teh, siew yoke fan.

Your hypocrisy is not a turn on.